Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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