Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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