Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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