In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
