what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
