I think my vagina is haunted
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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