Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
