A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Randomize
