I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
