yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
