You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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