so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
