I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
