I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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