Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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