I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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