Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
