talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
