HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
