This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
