I want to stick my p in your. b.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
