'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
