guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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