Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
