Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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