i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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