I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
