i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
