so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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