I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
