Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
