Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
