why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
