It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
