then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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