I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
