the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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