I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
