dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
