I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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