You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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