M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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