Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just invented taco cereal.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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