On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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