my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
