I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
