The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
