so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
