wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
