His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
