I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
