My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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