Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
